Tuesday, August 25, 2009

5 Ways to Avoid Sharing the Gospel Ever Again - Part 5

5. Create a Christian Alternative for Every Facet of Life

A long time ago, there were Christians in the world. Do not be alarmed! They were in the world, but they were not of the world. We modern Christians have learned the dangers of being of the world so well that we have taken ourselves out of the world completely. Let's run down the list shall we?

We work at Christian businesses,
watch Christian movies,
listen to Christian music,
hang out at Christian coffee shops,
go to a Christian mechanic,
shop at Christian stores,
eat at Christian restaurants (shout-out, Chick-fil-a!),
read Christian books,
wear Christian clothes,
only drink things Christians should drink,
only say words Christians should say,
have Christian friends,
work out at Christian gyms,
visit Christian websites,
listen to Christian podcasts,
show our kids Christian television (while we watch Lost),
attend Christian day cares (assuming your mother is a heathen and thus, works. (totally joking there.))
go to Christian schools (or for the truly pious, homeschool)
go to Christian colleges,
play in church sports leagues
go to Christian dances creative movement classes,

But there is one place that we have not been able to successfully Christianize, and I think you know where I'm going with this. Why do we have to commute every morning with the world? Isn't that a temptation to sin? I mean, how am I supposed to be Christlike when everyone is cutting me off in traffic? Can't they see my Christian bumper sticker and know that I'm really in a hurry because Jesus needs me to get somewhere soon no matter how many pedestrians have to be hospitalized? I'm on a mission from God!

That's why I propose Christian highways. It would be like the HOV lane, but instead of having to have another person in the car, you have to have at least 5 Christian bumper stickers and a minimum of 2 must make a joke about people going to hell.

I propose we call it the HOmM lane for "Heaven on my Mind." Or maybe the "Fastlane to the Father." That way we can be a witness to the lost people around us and never have to interact with them again!

This is part 5 of the 5 part series "5 Ways to Avoid Sharing the Gospel Ever Again." In order to dispel any confusion out there, these posts were satirical. I have nothing against any of the Christian cultural things we do, we just need to step outside the bubble sometimes when we're not on mission trip in a foreign country and notice that there is a dying world all around us.

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