Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Texans Determined to Die Early and Happy

As the summer begins to wind down and temperatures begin to cool down to the balmy mid-90's, thoughts turn to what the fall has in store for us. We don't think of changing leaves and blustery fall afternoons that call winter to our doorsteps. No. Our minds become fixated on the coming State Fair of Texas and the question,"What miraculous goodies will they try to fry this year?"

In recent past we've seen the unveiling of several heart-stopping favorites such as:

Fried Oreos
Fried Oreos

The not-fried-but-fun-to-say-aloud Chocolate Covered Key Lime Pie on a Stick
Key Lime Pie on a Stick

and, the unlikely, Fried Coke
Fried Coke

But this year I do believe the state fair has outdone itself. The following is the list of this year's Big Tex Award finalists.

Fernies All-American Fried Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Fried Grilled Cheese Sandwich
Without trying it I would say: This sounds like the poor man's montey cristo. Although raspberry dipping sauce sounds a whole lot tastier than "tomato soup dipping sauce," which is what this treat comes with according to the Dallas Morning News. (Frappuccino not included.)

Chicken Fried Bacon
Chicken Fried Bacon
Without trying it I would say: It costs 12 coupons and 2 years of your life. For a healthier choice, you can go with the honey mustard or the ranch dressing rather than the gravy as shown above.

Fried Banana Split
Picture unavailable - It's basically banana and peanut butter rolled into a ball, then topped with all your normal banana split toppings. Oh... and the banana-peanut butter thing is dipped in batter and fried.
Without trying it I would say: This is one of the first ones that sounds like it might be good. The real problem is no matter how much you walk at the fair, you will still have a net gain of calories for the day.

Texas Fried Jelly Bellies
Jelly Belly+ Funnel Cake
Without trying it I would say: Don't eat this around friends otherwise you will get jokes all day about your newfound fried jelly belly.

Deep Fried S'mores
It's like this, but far less healthy.
Without trying it I would say: It seems like someone should have come up with this before. I don't really care for s'mores all that much because they are too hard to eat without getting it all over you, but maybe the batter helps that problem.

Fire & Ice
Picture unavailable - Description from the Dallas Morning News reads, "A pineapple ring battered and deep-fried, topped with banana-flavored whipped cream that’s been frozen in liquid nitrogen. The smoking concoction is covered in strawberries and syrup."
Without trying it I would say: Did that really say "liquid nitrogen?" I'm thinking the selling point for this one is that, unlike the rest of these, you'll never be able to try to make it at home.

Fried Chocolate Truffles
Tuffles, but wrapped in batter.
Without trying it I would say: Deep frying chocolate truffles seems akin to painting some touch-ups on the Mona Lisa. It might help, but it could turn out disasterous, so why risk it?

Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Waffle Balls
Picture unavailable - According to the Dallas Morning News, "Fresh strawberries covered in a thick chocolate shell, dipped in a waffle batter and deep-fried. Dusted with powdered sugar and served on a stick."
Without trying it I would say: Everything about that description sounds good to me. It has three things going for it: 1) it's got fresh strawberries, so, therefore, the illusion of healthy. 2) waffle batter sounds much better than the funnel cake batter the rest of these claim to use. 3) it's on a stick, so it's portable. Perfect for walking the calories off as you consume them.

For the record the only food on this entire list I've ever had was the chocolate covered key lime pie on a stick and that was mainly because I liked saying it so much that I wanted to say "chocolate covered key lime pie on a stick" to the guy selling them.

Which one sounds the best to you?

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